gone about as fer as we can go…

Doesn’t he look a little feverish?

I did a search on hand sanitizer, and I found a recent study because there’s a recent study out there for every “expert” who ever drew breath. I’m sure I’ve told this story before, but this reminds me of that time when my son was about thirteen or fourteen. He told me he finally knew what he wanted to be when he grew up. I was all ears.

“One of those guys who carries the cables behind the coaches on the sidelines at NFL games… or an expert.”

I figured it wasn’t a burning desire to tote cables that had him so inspired, but more likely an avenue to a boy’s fantasy of spending a lifetime on the sidelines of an NFL game – preferably only yards away from Dan Marino.100_1844

But an “expert”? What was that about?

When I asked…

He said, “You know, when they say ‘and experts say’ I want to be that expert they’re talking about.” As it turned out, he did not grow up to tote bundled cables up and down the sidelines of the NFL. He did, however, become an expert in something I don’t even know how to explain to my friends. I just tell them he’s doing well and that it’s all a mystery. Possibly CIA or something of that nature.


The hand sanitizer thing. You thought I’d forgotten? Not a chance. When I visited the doctor on Wednesday, I refused to shake hands with her, explaining that she really didn’t want to shake hands with me. Now that I think about it, she didn’t actually offer. She heard me coughing before she entered the examining room.

She was not my regular doc but she was very nice. She had a bottle of hand sanitizer beside the computer, and she must have hit that pump at least a dozen times (no exaggeration). I was beginning to feel a little leper-ish hence my search on hand sanitizer. The search landed me on BHG. (Don’t you get all your latest research from Better Homes and Gardens?) The “recent study“ revealed, as most recent studies do, the obvious.

… alcohol-based gels lose their germ-killing power within two minutes of application — a finding that took many consumers by surprise. … they’re made to eliminate germs on contact, much like soap and water do, says Megan T. Sandel, M.D., a nationally recognized “expert” on both healthy housing and teen health. BHG
“Took many consumers by surprise?” I demand to know who these consumers are. Do you expect your hand sanitizer to protect you from germs you have yet to meet? I use it after shopping to kill the germs I probably picked up in the store, but how could I expect it to protect me two hours later when I snuggling with my grandchild? Who pays for these studies? Don’t answer that. I’m so afraid it’s you and me.
Now then…
I’m compelled to mention something you probably already know, but something I find fascinating. Is anyone besides me totally clueless about how far thermometer technology has come since every little boy wore a coonskin cap, and his mother placed a mercury-filled thermometer under his tongue? I know there’s been improvement (ear thermometers), but thermometers are now the height of swank, don’t cha know?
I had to use that antiquated instrument in the photo above this week. After I had it in my mouth, I thought to ask my husband if he was sure it wasn’t the rectal thermometer I used on my son when he was a baby. I knew he wouldn’t know the difference between a rectal thermometer and a bicycle. The rectal one sports a slightly bulbous business end. Thankfully, he had grabbed the right one. I mean, who needs 1974 poop in their mouth?
would you just take a gander at this baby below, and I don’t mean the child. I bet all of you already have one. Forget about jewelry, I’m getting one of these in my stocking.consumer-photo

The nurse rolled this bad boy over my forehead. It has some fancy software that enables it to determine your temperature by measuring the balance between the tissues warming from arterial blood and tissues cooling. Within seconds she had my temperature.

So impressed was I that I contemplated slipping it into my purse when she left the room. I will never again hold a mid-twentieth century thermometer under my tongue for three minutes while unable to breathe through my nose. Luxury, thy name is Temporal Artery Thermometer. My personal Santa already ordered the Exergen TAT-2000C.

It doesn’t seem to matter how far we’ve come, some things never change while others can’t stop changing. Soap and water are hard to improve upon while technology can’t seem to stop improving upon itself. Evolution is the essence of its nature. However, I must concede that the mercury-filled thermometer does work and always has, but there’s no turning back. It’s the twenty-first century. I’m going swanky, guys.


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