conversation with the spouse

Herm: My doctor still wants me to get down in the 170s.

Me: Don’t you already weigh in the 170s?

Herm: I told him I weigh 172 in the morning with no clothes. He said he wanted me to weigh in the 170s with clothes on.

Me: Everyone always weighs a little more at the doctor’s office and in clothes, but I don’t get it. If you only weigh 172, you should still easily be in the 170s with clothes. So, how much do you weigh in his office?

Herm: 182

Me: 182!? Are you serious? 182? That’s ten pounds! That’s a big difference.

Herm: I know.

Me: Do you weigh with your shoes on.

Herm: Yeah.

Me: Are you kidding? Take your shoes off! You would never see a woman weighing with her shoes on!

Herm: smug smile

Me: I’m not kidding. Slip out of your shoes. That’s a pound or two.

Herm: I guess you think I should take the change out of my pockets.

Me: Duh.

Herm: And what about this?

He hands me one of those knives that transforms into pliers, scissors, can opener, dish washer. It weighs at least a half pound and it has it’s own case that he straps to his belt. He uses it at work. Then there’s his phone.

Me: Look. I’m going to tell you how to do this. TAKE the darned shoes off before you weigh. Take a zip lock bag with you, remove everything that’s heavy from you person, put it in the bag, and leave it in the car. Then weigh in.

Herm: Are you serious?

Me: As a heart attack, brother.

About five minutes later.

Me: I really can’t believe you’ve been wearing your shoes to weigh in. Can’t believe it!

Herm: Yeah, I guess those steel toes are pretty heavy.

Me: You didn’t just say that.


rolling on floor…. laughing…. gasping and moaning, … and swearing that I’m going to tell everyone in the free world about this.

The man weighed in steel toed shoes, y’all. You can’t make it up. Does anyone know how much those suckers weigh? I bet he’ll be weighing in at 175 by the time I finish with him. Flimsy flip flops on the way.  His doctor will be asking him what his diet plan is. Men!


4 thoughts on “conversation with the spouse

  1. GOOD LORD HAVE MERCY!!!!! only a man would do all of that but i didn’t know it was that bad – STEEL TOED BOOTS!!!!

    WHAT A GOOF BALL!!! and really what time is he going in? i always schedule appts for the early morning – as early as i can get. and i wear next to nothing! you’ve seen what i wear to ww! i emmulate that when i go to the dr’s!

    so here is what he needs to do:

    take EVERYTHING out of your pockets
    wear flip flops
    take your belt off
    go early in the morning
    if you can get away with it wear shorts NOT jeans!

    is that it bonnie??

  2. I’ve read this twice and I must say that this doesn’t just belong on your personal blog….you should have this story plastered all over the internet along with herm’s mug shot.
    I’m still laughing..

    • Ha! The funniest part is that he keeps trying to lose that couple of pounds when all he has to do is go to Dollar Tree and buy a pair of flip flops. I wish it was that easy for me.

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